A chosen one is a man whom God’s finger crushes against the wall.
–
Jean-Paul Sartre
The Czar looked up at the sky, raised his arms, and proclaimed, “I am The Chosen One.” Cameras clicked, pens scratched on notepads, reporters tapped into their smart phones and the always patient Marine One waited in the background, providing a soundtrack of rumbling chaos that nearly drowned out the reporters’ shouted questions and the Czar’s shouted, stream-of-consciousness replies. The Czar was in his glory. After all, he is The Chosen One.
The Czar unspooled like a yo-yo. He was asked about Greenland, which the Danes rudely refused to consider selling to him. The Danish Prime Minister audaciously characterized his proposal as “absurd.” “Greenland is not for sale” she told reporters during a visit to an orphanage with Greenlandic Premier Kim Kielsen. She said she hoped the “absurd” proposal “is not meant seriously.” How dare she accuse the Czar of not being serious? That’s like accusing America of being unserious. “I thought the prime minister’s statement that it was an absurd idea was nasty,” bellowed the Czar. “All she had to do was say ‘No, we wouldn’t be interested.’” How dare the Prime Minister speak that way? Has she no respect for The Chosen One?
The Danes haven’t cornered the market on nastiness. Take Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell, who suggested the Czar’s trade war with China was hurting the economy. “Trade policy uncertainty seems to be playing a role in the global slowdown and in weak manufacturing and capital spending in the United States,” Powell told a trade conference recently. He added there were “no recent precedents to guide any policy response to the current situation.” Who appointed this guy anyway? “My only question is, who is our bigger enemy, Jay Powell or Chairman Xi?” asked the Czar in a furious tweet. Cross him and you’re compared to our primary foreign adversary. That’s what you get for criticizing The Chosen One.
Or voting against him, like American Jews. Nearly four out of five support Democrats, despite all the Czar has done for Israel. He gave them Jerusalem as their capitol. He gave them the Golan Heights. He Gave them Bibi Netanyahu. How can they not be grateful? They are disloyal. Don’t American Jews realize they are actually Israelis and Bibi is their leader? Isn’t that obvious? How can they ignore the words of the profound sage Wayne Allyn Root, who declared the Czar is “the greatest president for Jews and for Israel in the history of the world.” “(T)he Jewish people love him like he is the King of Israel,” Root told television viewers. “They love him like he is the second coming of God.” Of course, they do. He is The Chosen One.
There are those who say the Czar is too close to Vladimir Putin and Russia. Some even suggest the Czar sides with Russia against American interests because Putin helped him get elected. Sure, the Czar and his team knew Russia was spreading pro-Czar and anti-Hillary Clinton propaganda on social media, underwriting rallies, creating rally signs and generating online petitions on the Czar’s behalf. And, yeah, the Russians hacked the email servers of the Democratic National Committee and Democratic Party officials. The Czar knew Russians worked in parallel with his campaign to help him and invited their help. Of course, they helped him; he is The Chosen One.
They watched a news conference when the Czar asked Russia to hack his opponent’s emails. A few hours later they did his bidding, breaking into email servers and funneling the stolen emails to Wikileaks. The treasonous Democrats, Special Counsel Robert Mueller, and the fake news media tried to persuade the public it was improper for the Czar to accept Russian help in the election. They had the audacity to suggest that Donald, Jr. did something wrong with his “I love it!” meeting with Russians who offered dirt on Clinton. How dare they disparage the first born of The Chosen One?
The Czar declared a trade war against China because he is The Chosen One. That’s why Obama couldn’t do it, nor George W. Bush. They were not The Chosen One. They were inferior. Only the Czar knows that trade wars are easy to win, that China pays the tariffs, not Americans, and who needs Chinese products anyway? “Our great American companies are hereby ordered to immediately start looking for an alternative to China,” tweeted the Czar, “including bringing your companies HOME and making your products in the USA.” American companies, of course, will bow to his wishes and do whatever he tells them to do. After all, he is The Chosen One.
As I write this, the stock market is plummeting, foreign leaders are shaking their heads as the United States degenerates into a bumper-car concession, China is retaliating in the tariff war, the G-7 leaders are bracing for another fractious meeting – declaring before it starts that there will be no joint communique for the first time ever– and commentators are questioning the Czar’s sanity. Enter the search terms ” the chosen one mental illness ” into Google News and most results are about the Czar. James Fallows, writing in the Atlantic, refers to the Czar’s recent outbursts as “episodes of what would be called outright lunacy, if they occurred in any other setting.” “If a hospital had a senior surgeon behaving as Trump now does,” Fallows writes, “other doctors and nurses would be talking with administrators and lawyers before giving that surgeon the scalpel again.”
But nobody is taking the Czar’s scalpel away from him. How could they? He is The Chosen One.
© 2019 by Mike Tully
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