Money for Nothing

Don’t Want No MTG

In 1985, Mark Knopfler of the band “Dire Straits” was shopping for appliances in New York City. Knopfler, who is British, had recently acquired a New York apartment for his frequent visits to the U.S. The store, a common “white goods” retailer, had a wall full of TV sets tuned into MTV.

Knopfler noticed some warehouse workers coming in to transport sold appliances. They took in the wall full of MTV and commented – loudly. The performers on MTV had it easy, they said — too easy. Those guys on MTV made far too much for doing far too little. The warehouse workers proclaimed how hard their jobs were and how little they earned for their labor. But those guys on MTV? Money for nothing, and chicks for free.

Knopfler asked a sales person for some paper and wrote a song, right there among the TVs and appliances. Some lyrics were based on the eavesdropped conversation. The song, “Money for Nothing,” became a rock icon and the Dire Straits’ biggest hit. While some listeners thought Knopfler was criticizing MTV, he was lampooning the warehouse guys, whom he referred to as “knuckle draggers.”

Now look at them yo-yos, that’s the way you do it
You play the guitar on the MTV
That ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it
Money for nothin’ and your chicks for free

This brings me to the 118^th Congress. Many of its members are the new “Money for Nothing” crowd. Just substitute Fox News, OAN, and Newsmax for MTV.

Now look at them yo-yos, that’s the way you do it
Just sell your bullshit on the Fox TV
That ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it
Airtime on the Newsmax gets you checks for free

Far too many in the current Congress elevate performing and posturing over governing. Why trouble yourself writing and arguing legislation when you can you can rant and rave on friendly media and watch the checks pour in?

Lemme tell ya, them guys ain’t dumb
They just tell a whopper on a prime-time news show
Tell a whopper and the checks will come

That ain’t working. That’s the way you do it, bloviate on OAN and rile up the rubes. No need for policy – their voters don’t care about that. Just give ‘em what they want: resentment. Tell them that the “liberal elite” or whatever is coming for them. Or their gas stoves. Or their kids. Or, worst of all: their guns. Fearful people write checks. Marketers monetize neurosis. Politicians monetize paranoia.

You know the worst offenders, like Marjorie Taylor Greene (MTG), Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz. They are not lions of Congress — more like hyenas. They bray and howl and rake in the cash. Keep the masses riled up with fears of “them” coming for you and donations multiply. When you’re able to con gullible individuals, there’s no need to cater to political parties or interest groups. Don’t govern; just perform. Serious commentators will denounce you while you, as Liberace once said, “cry all the way to the bank.”

It’s not just MTG, Boebert and Gaetz. Arizona contributed the useless Andy Biggs and Paul Gosart (you’re welcome). And, of course, there is George Santos.

See the little bicha with the earring and the makeup?
He’s not a drag queen but sure looks like one
That little bicha got an office in the Longworth
That little bicha, he’s a congressman

Mark Knopfler’s “knuckle-draggers” might have been unfair to the MTV artists, whose talent and hard work they failed to appreciate. But those who criticize the new performance-only species of congressperson are not being unfair. Greene lost every committee assignment during her first term because she previously lost control of her mouth. She had literally nothing to do except spout off on friendly media and solicit donations. Money for nothing.

I shoulda learned to scare the riff-raff
I shoulda learned to rile them folks
Look at that mama, she got it stickin’ in the camera
Man, she’s rich now, that’s no joke

The “money for nothing” Congress consists of members who are either cynical or crazy, or both. They don’t advocate legislation that would benefit constituents, yet their gullible voters fall for their con every time. Money for nothing.

Maybe that’s a good thing. Do we really want MTG, Boebert, Gaetz and their ilk making law? That would be like giving car keys to a toddler. It might be in the national interest to keep them occupied with self-promotion and fund-raising and as far away from actual governing as possible. Whatever, I know my position on this matter:

Don’t want no,
Don’t want no MTG.
Don’t want no,
Don’t want no MTG.

© 2023 by Mike Tully

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