The following is a transcript of a meeting that may take place between President Donald Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. While the world hopes the unpredictable and mercurial individuals will chart a new course toward peace, most regard the meeting as akin to a pair of gasoline-soaked men engaging in a wood-burning contest. For that reason, the United Nations made the parties agree to a single interpreter, loyal to the U.N. and not the two leaders, who can use his “creative” skills to temper the conversation and avoid a catastrophe.
TRUMP: It’s wonderful to finally meet the famous “Rocket Man” face-to-face. Can I call you “Rocket” for short? Short? Get it? Short? Ha ha ha ha ha.
INTERPRETER: President Trump is honored to meet you. He says you are much taller than he realized.
KIM: Good morning, Mr. President. You look like a beached whale with a blonde hairpiece decomposing in the sun.
INTERPRETER: Good morning, Mr. President. You are the picture of health. Clearly you have gotten some sun.
TRUMP: Yeah. I keep in shape playing golf at my luxurious resorts. You have nothing like them in your country. Nothing. That’s why I have a tan.
INTERPRETER: I like to exercise outdoors. That’s why I have a tan.
KIM: A tan? You don’t have a tan, you stinking pile of rotting cabbage. It’s makeup. You are the color of dung. It looks like it was applied by a drunken blind painter in an earthquake.
INTERPRETER: He says he was admiring your tan.
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Found in Translation
TRUMP: It’s wonderful to finally meet the famous “Rocket Man” face-to-face. Can I call you “Rocket” for short? Short? Get it? Short? Ha ha ha ha ha.
INTERPRETER: President Trump is honored to meet you. He says you are much taller than he realized.
KIM: Good morning, Mr. President. You look like a beached whale with a blonde hairpiece decomposing in the sun.
INTERPRETER: Good morning, Mr. President. You are the picture of health. Clearly you have gotten some sun.
TRUMP: Yeah. I keep in shape playing golf at my luxurious resorts. You have nothing like them in your country. Nothing. That’s why I have a tan.
INTERPRETER: I like to exercise outdoors. That’s why I have a tan.
KIM: A tan? You don’t have a tan, you stinking pile of rotting cabbage. It’s makeup. You are the color of dung. It looks like it was applied by a drunken blind painter in an earthquake.
INTERPRETER: He says he was admiring your tan.
<<< READ / DOWNLOAD PDF VERSION HERE >>>