First, they flipped their lids, then they set them ablaze. Trump supporters who feel they were burned by their hero’s tête-à-tête with Democrats are setting fire to their Make America Great Again hats by the rackful. A private dinner with Chuck and Nancy? Nice words about the Dreamers? Neither was part of the bargain and loyal Trumpistas are letting the President know how angry they are with a storm of tweets and videos that show MAGA hats in various stages of immolation. They can’t abide the fact the con man they voted for conned them.
“I have supported Trump since the day he announced his run for President and still support his agenda today,” one of them told Buzzfeed. “I’m still on the Trump train; he’s not.” The author did not comment on the wisdom of staying on a train after the conductor jumps off. Another hat-burner vowed fidelity to the policies Trump said he supported but felt singed by Trump’s lack of conviction. “I do support his policies that he once stated and campaigned on,” declared the lid-lighter, “but his recent rhetoric is troubling for me and other white Americans.” An Indianapolis teenager who is too young to vote – or think – said Trump’s apparent willingness to provide “Dreamers” with legal status drove him to flick his Bic. “So far, he’s pretty much reversed his stance on immigration by keeping DACA and not building a real wall, intervened in the Middle East, sold weapons to the Saudis, stayed in NATO, stayed in NAFTA, and so much more that I could just go on and on about,” he wrote in an email to Buzzfeed, adding, “the DACA deal just sent me over the edge.” It’s not hard to speculate that all these burning hats made relatively small fires.
The recent spasm of hat-burning is actually good news from a Trump merchandise perspective because every hat-burner is a potential repeat customer. Sure, they’re angry now, but as soon as The Donald makes them smile again they’ll purchase a replacement hat and one or two more out of guilt. Trump probably replaced most of the burned hats with his recent tweet showing him striking Hillary Clinton with a golf ball. Nothing Makes America Great Again (and sells hats) like sophomoric misogyny.
Or they might choose from a pantheon of Trump trinkets that extends beyond hats, most of them a mere click away on the President’s very own shopping site. Impress your friends with a “Presidential Medal” made of bronze that shows Trump’s face – sort of — on one side of a bronze cookie that fits into its own “routed wood stand.” The other side shows a distorted American flag encircled with the words, “Make America Great Again.” It ships in a “Blue Kraft box” and is packed with “gold foil” and a “blue insert.” It’s yours for only $45. It has no obvious practical use although, at nearly three inches in diameter, it could make a decent coaster. Did I mention it comes in gold foil? Best of all for loyal Americans, the company that manages Trump paraphernalia sales is based in Canada – right next to America! MAGA!
Or, you could wander over to the official Trump Merchandise site on Amazon and choose from a wide selection of Trump bobble-heads. Can you imagine a better gift for your favorite cat than a wobbly-bobbly Trump doll? Your frisky feline would go catnip crazy, slapping at and pouncing on the bouncy toy with kittenish glee. Prices range from around ten bucks to more than twenty, but how can you put a value on this delicious irony: the pussy grabbing Trump? Priceless.
Hats and trinkets don’t pass the smell test? Don’t worry, you can with an “Empire by Trump” deodorant stick for a mere $5.59 (with discount). “Empire by Trump is the perfect accessory for the confident man determined to make his mark with passion,” brags the Trump Collection website. “Bold notes of peppermint, spicy chai and a hint of apple demand attention,” it adds. Or you can “capture the spirit of the driven man” by spending another buck and a half for a “Success by Trump” deodorant stick. This scent, also available as an after shave and “Toilette Spray,” blends many scents and flavors including “rich vetiver, tonka bean, birchwood and musk.” Bring the cat.
You can purchase “Official Inauguration Glassware” for $20, a six-pack of “Official Inauguration Gold Seal Coolies” for $16, or a Trump coffee mug for $30, all currently available on the Canadian-run site. Fill the vessels with “Trump Natural Spring Water” if you can find it (not sold in stores). Hit the links with an $80 “Trump Golf Bundle (clubs not included).” Finally, for a mere $150 you can purchase an “extra-long” Trump tie from Amazon, available in various boring colors and designs. Nothing screams “MAGA!” like an overpriced, ugly tie.
So many items, so many possibilities, so many bonfires waiting to be set. MAGA!
© 2017 by Mike Tully